Sit Down.

I have been living in Sydney for a while now and I would not change it for the world. I am surrounded by the most amazing things and the most amazing people. Although I have not grown up with these people they feel like my family. I always get a smile and a nod from someone the moment I step out of my room. There is always something interesting to talk about over dinner, and no one really gives a shit about anything. We don't see the need for conflict.

One thing that keeps knawing on my ankle like a dog, is knowing that even though now I do not live near the people I know and have allowed myself to drift apart from, shit seems to follow me and I am tired of it. I feel like I am trying to run and my feet are trapped in mud.

There is a reason for a lack of contact and a distance. I am sick of your bullshit. All of you. I am sick to death of their stares and their pitiful looks. I was sick of the small town, pathetic garbage. I am sick of your scene and what surrounds you. I am so angry right now that my hands are shaking and I want to smash something with a baseball bat. You dont fuck someone over and not expect a backlash. I know this from both perspectives. I fucked up, you fucked up. I've dealt with it. You create the mess, and you should know you will have had to deal with it sooner or later. I swore, I cursed and I got so angry that I demolished things, including myself. I wanted to dissappear. We did what we had to, and people got hurt. In that moment, I swore that I would never allow myself to be treated like that again, that, if anything, is the one thing that I can thank you all for. Thank you for showing me, that you, are pathetic. Fuck your blantent immaturity and your lies. I have been quiet now for so long, rebuilding, and it makes me sick that you, have nothing better to talk about, like you are better than me? Fuck your scene, fuck your thoughts and fuck you, for thinking, for one moment, that you are better than me.

I am glad I am not apart of you anymore, so don't try to drag me back into it, and don't for a second, think yourself high and mighty. I am so angry that I was sucked into it. I was told that I can't keep running from my whole life. But fuck you, I will run, and I will keep running. I want to leave you behind. Do me a favour, help me out, do not speak of me, do not think of me, do not discuss me and just forget me. LET me dissappear.

If life moves on, how come you are staying in the same place? I hope you rot.