Roadkill.

Tonight as I was driving, my eyes began to sear. The road in front of me began to deform and everything began to have a tinge of blue. I indicated and pulled off to the side of the road. I placed my forehead upon the steering wheel. The vibrations and hum from the motor hurt after a while. I sat listening to Norma Jean. Redeemer is my favourite album. Eventually, I took my keys from the ignition and stepped out of the car.
I curled my toes, felt the gravel beneath my feet and shuddered as a passing car sped past, its taillight slowly disappearing into the distance. I sat on the bonnet. Everything was quiet and I didn’t like it. It was eerie. No crickets, not even a gentle breeze. My mouth was dry again.I raised my head upwards and could faintly distinguish the ashen light from the moon, struggling to glow through a cloud. The stars were unnaturally bright tonight. They were remarkable. Almost as if someone had grabbed a handful of diamonds and thrown them into the inky atmosphere. Underneath it all at that moment, I felt so insignificant. So small. I could see the distant yellow glow of town on the edge of the horizon. I call it town because it is not my home. I began to think. Trying to cease, is a pointless exercise. I thought about, love, god, death, family and friends. My hands began to tremble and that stabbing pain in my side occurred. I felt the tears beginning to form. And then I screamed. I opened my mouth and screamed until my lungs set fire. I screamed until my throat was coarse and it felt like I was going to pass out. I vomited hate, anger, guilt, sadness, regret, pain and determination onto the side of the road.I cursed the night sky. I cursed it for everything past, present and future. I cursed it for everything I despise. I cursed it for ignorance, contradiction and frustration. I cursed it for oppression and dishonestly. I cursed it for hurt and pain, all the things that should have been said, and all the things that should have been done. For being denied, exhausted and raped. For beauty, control and acceptance. For numbness, happiness and silence.

A man once said to me “look at you, saving the world all on your own.”
I wish I could change everything.