Leaving.

I have been pacing around the house like a animal in a cage all afternoon. I can't keep stationary for more than a few moments. My room is a war zone but I can't see the point in trying to clean it right now. My mind is currently a little scattered because I'm feeling a little bit anxious. I hate being anxious, I feel like I need to vomit except my stomach is nothing but an empty pit.

It is well overdue, but I will be leaving on Friday and at this point, the fear is slightly outweighing the excitement. A fraction of me is terrified because I will be so far from loved ones but the rest of me wants to leave so badly and never come back. I have come to know that to me, home is where you belong. I don't belong in this town. I never have. It has never felt quite right. I want more.

New people, new lifestyle, new responsibility and above all, a sense of freedom. I guess the city at times will be a lonely place but I am maintaining a positive mindset. (It's much harder than you think.) All I can do is take it one day at a time, and be strong. Over the last few months I had lost all my strength and belief in myself. It was not a pretty sight. I'm getting better. Fuck my sob story off. Bruised but not broken, right? :)

The one thing that I hold dear is the fact that I am taking a leap into the unknown. Virtually on my own, I'm proud of myself. I wont have the familiar surrounding me, nor the loved ones in close proximity. Sink or swim, most people would like to have a few lifejackets. Me? I'd say I'm swimming with sharks. I have alot of hope and expectations for this year. I'm aware a few surprises will be thrown my way, just to shake things up. It's a challenge. Bring it on.